theipodguru:

I emailed ed hochuli just now. yeah, he messed up. and I know, I have been pretty critical of him in the past two days. but it’s a sign of a pretty stand-up guy to come out to the nation and admit that you made the wrong call. and for the people who are putting the loss completely on his shoulders, you should really place the blame on the charger’s pass defense. if we didn’t allow brandon marshall and tony sheffler to rack up all those receptions, we would have been in prime position to win the game for the whole game.
I told him just that. I also added in that I hope he never has to ref another game in san diego. just for his own personal safety.

Very true.  But let’s face it: it’s just plain easier to blame someone else.

And! an apology wouldn’t change the Charger’s record for this season to 1-1.

Like I said though, I still respect him.  And, sort of feel bad for the guy now, what with all the crap that’s been thrown at him.

Besides, it’s still early in the season and it’s not like the Chargers couldn’t (and haven’t already have done so) make it to the play offs with such a crappy start.

(I don’t know, however, if he’d have to worry about his own safety coming to San Diego, though.  He looks like he could probably hold his own.)

rocketjumper:

Zoom Lens Coffee Mug Helps Keep Photographers Caffeinated

OMG: Perfect XMAS gift (*Hint, hint*).

Looks like a Canon, too.  I want one even more.

by Pablo Neruda; translated by W.S. Merwin

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
and you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you.
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
and it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.

As all things are filled with my soul
you emerge from the things, filled with my soul.
You are like my soul, a butterfly of a dream,
and you are like the word Melancholy.

I like for you to be still, and you seem far away.
It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove.
And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you:
Let me come to be still in your silence.

And let me talk to you with your silence
that is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring.
You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.
Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough.
And I am happy, happy that it’s not true.

This is something I probably would have posted on my other site, but in the end, I think this is something that more women/people should know about.

*

Interesting documentaries tend to have higher priority in my Netflix queue. Yes, even before chick-flicks. I’m just a boring person like that.

I came across The Business of Being Born sometime in March. It’s a documentary by Ricki Lake about the different experiences of childbirth and demonstrates how “medical decisions [in the US] are being made for monetary reasons and not because it’s what’s good for the mom or the baby.”

I met up with Jess this evening to hang out and she gave me back the copy she borrowed.

I wish I had logged exactly what I thought and felt after watching the movie, because there were just so many things running through my head!

*

As a young girl, not older than eight or nine and not that I can really figure out how I got these, but I remember I had these three notions in mind regarding childbirth:

1. Babies could only be born in hospitals.
2. C-sections were “bad” and only happened as a “last resort.”
3. Both the mom and baby stayed in the hospital for two to three days after birth.

*

According to the movie: In 1900, 95% of births in the US took place at home. In 1938, half of all birth took place at home. By 1955, less than 1% of births took place at home. It remains that number today.

*

Nowadays, women are actually “scheduling” their c-sections—as if giving birth to a child had to conveniently “fit” into this niche in their calendar. I know of a friend of a friend who is doing exactly that. There’s even something called “Designer birth” happening in the Northeast coast where women schedule their c-section and immediately get a tummy tuck afterward!

Another girl I know wants to have a c-section because it allows for two more weeks off from work.

The idea of a c-section really just scares me.

To take it a step further, being older and being around more and more pregnant women, I always found it strange the idea of “inducing” labor on a certain day. The concept of choosing your baby’s birthday, in whichever way, just seems weird to me.

*

Another friend of a friend had her baby sometime in April. She has an HMO as her health insurance and gave birth at one of their hospitals. What was really scary to me was that she had her baby at 4 in the morning and by 2 in the afternoon that same day, she and her baby were discharged from the hospital.

The concept just seemed absurd to me! Having spent so many hours in labor, and already getting “kicked out” of the hospital bed?

“Hospitals are businesses. They want those beds filled and emptied. They don’t want women hanging around in the labor room.”

*

As a female, I felt the movie itself was very empowering. After watching it I really considered giving some sort of natural childbirth—home, water or in a birthing center, for when my time comes. I wasn’t sure, though, if I would be “strong enough” to go through with it. I mean, the idea of a c-section was scary, but the idea of going through all that pain without an epidural was also scary.

I won’t go into all the medical and health reasons for natural births, what happens during the induction process, or all the different side effects of epidurals. You will just have to watch the movie.

*

A month after watching this movie, Jess broke the news to me that she was pregnant. Without even having discussed the movie with her, she had mentioned that she was going to go through a midwife and give birth in a natural birthing center. It was such an awesome coincidence!

It’s not that I think about having kids often (at least, not where I am in my life right now), in fact, only when I hang out with Jess and discuss all the different things she’s going through mentally, emotionally, and physically that I reflect on my own future decision(s). I’m learning a lot from her and what she’s going through—not just the “pregnancy” aspect, but the actual preparation of the natural birthing process like the classes she’s taking, the books she’s reading, etc.

*

I was initially on the fence about it, but I think that I just needed time to let it sink in. As long as everything is in place (you have to meet certain health requirements to do it), I’ve come to the decision that I will.

I think I really can be strong for my child(ren). There are just so many positive aspects about the whole process that I couldn’t explain them all.

Seriously unhealthy habit #23: Sudoku

The last hour of my shift, before the daytime employees come in, I pack up all my “gear” and spend the rest of my downtime playing Sudoku. It’s the only thing that keeps me mentally alert enough to make it to the end of my work day.

As much as I tend to focus on the negative side of things, sometimes I am reminded that the world is “half-full” of wonderful people.

*

I was going through my “library” and came across a book I happen to have two copies of (one was a gift). It was strange that I picked this one over the other to sort of sift through. The copy I choose happened to have a slip of paper tucked inside:

Sometimes I get into the habit of letting people know how much they affect me, and how much in awe they put me. I’ve grown out of this habit because slowly but surely, amazing people stopped showing themselves.

And so it was a pleasant surprise when I found you. You have the courage an (sic) wit that I dare not possess, but wish and hope to someday be brave enough to conquer. You are brave in things I wish I was, and I know I would not say why publicly in my website, but you just gotta know that your words, your attitude, your site, and especially the spirit you chose to show through your domain has greatly affected me. I can sit here and read you till the world’s end.

Thank you for bringing back that habit.

A stranger had emailed that to me through and about my other more personal/private website over six years ago. This came from someone who I immediately saw was so much on a different (read: higher) level than I was/still am and who in turn, after getting to know her, I completely admire/d that I was absolutely taken back by this.

I used to have this paper posted at my desk at work a long time ago—not to “show off,” but as a positive reminder that, admist the lack of self-confidence and insecurities, I might be someone “special,” too.

Anyway, when I came across her words again tonight, just as it did before, it… just really made a huge difference I couldn’t even begin to describe.

Another thing on my “to do” list is to “take more pictures.” Now that I have a new point and shoot (something more portable than my 30D), I’ll be able to do so!

I also technically have “start a photo journal - take at least a photo a day to represent my life” (which I will end up using pixelpost for) also on my “to do” list, but I think I will wait to actually put more effort into that starting January 1, 2009.

There’s another musical mapping website I found a while ago that I’ll have to find the link for….

PHILOSOPHY: REASONING ABOUT PHILOSOPHICAL ISSUES
Introduction to the relationship of language to logic, with applications of analysis, criticism, inductive and deductive reasoning, and kinds of evidence to philosophical problems.

SOCIOLOGY: SOCIAL PROBLEMS
Identification and analysis of contemporary social problems in the United States, with emphasis on the sociological factors involved. Topics include poverty and economic inequality; gender inequality; racial and ethnic inequality; problems in the family, government, education, and the economy; crime; drug use; warfare and violence, among others. A critical evaluation of the causes and solutions.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELEMENTARY
Introduction to the mechanics, optics, chemistry, lighting principles, and practices of elementary photography. Explores the history, aesthetics, and the conceptualization of photographic imagery. Includes darkroom procedures in developing, printing, and finishing black and white photographic materials.

COUNSELING: CAREER SEARCH
Designed to assist students select a career goal. This will be accomplished by identifying the students’ career interests, personality type, work values, and transferable skills as they relate to occupations.

COUNSELING: MAJOR SEARCH
This course is designed to assist students to select a major goal and create an educational plan. This will be done by identifying academic interests and through researching career options.

DANCE: BEGINNING BALLROOM DANCE
Development of beginning social dance techniques concerning both standard and contemporary social dance steps and styling.

*

None of these classes are “required” for anything (unless I major in Philosophy, which I had considered), really, but they were the most interesting ones that fit my schedule. I hope they are as interesting as they sounded in their description once the semester starts. There were probably two to three more random classes I wanted to take for the sake of learning, but I couldn’t very well try to take on that load. The great thing is that all except Photography and Ballroom Dance are online.

I’m taking both Career Search and Major Search in case one of the results from taking all those assesments doesn’t work out for me (what if it said Nursing or Customer Service was really it!). I figure I’d have a better chance at validation taking both.

Ugh. I’m tired of being one of those lost souls who are left to wander throughout life trying to find their way.

I have my thumbs pressed for this semester and to finally figuring things out asap.

(I believe this is from third grade. The weird thing is that I can remember almost everyone’s first name in this picture.)

The other night, I stopped by my parents’ house to “get rid” of some stuff and make more room. When I moved out, I really didn’t “completely” move out. I had left a lot of stuff from my childhood—stuffed animals, pictures, homework assignments/projects, “Good Citizenship” awards, etc.

I’m a pretty sentimental person, despite any desire not to be. I really didn’t end up “getting rid” of a lot of stuff. How could I?! When everything seemed to have a story, whether good or bad, behind it?! Instead, I meandered my way down memory lane and when I was done, stuffed everything back into the drawers where I found them.

I’m trying to start anew and eventually I promise I will get around to purging everything out of there. But, not that night or not right now. Slowly, I will.

There are just too many memories to “give up” all at once.

I can’t remember when the last time I actually went out for the purpose of watching fireworks for the Fourth was (10 years ago?). For the last few years, I’ve been sort of wanting to take pictures of some of the fireworks, because I never had tried, that happen around here twice a year—once for the Fourth and another for the town parade in September. But “life happens”—work, BBQ with friends, work.

This year it happened to fall on my day off. I wasn’t going to go out and do anything, to be honest. I just wanted to relax and maybe do some errands. I brought my camera with me just in case. On my way to my parents’ house, I thought, “What’s stopping me (from doing something I’ve been wanting to do for a while)?” So, I pulled over and parked.

A few nights ago, one of my co-workers/old team mates, Ruben, came to visit me (late at night, I am my own island ten aisles over from anyone else) to talk politics.

He is probably the only one I could have a decent political discussion with at work. It’s not because it’s “inappropriate” to discuss politics (as working opposite hours of Human Resources, we do not stand on rules and proper etiquette), it’s that he’s the only one that works the shift who really follows what goes on. Sometimes it’s so lame because even though, for the most part, we are on the same side of things (left), we always somehow end up debating on really, really moot points. Maybe it’s because he can be a real jerk and I just can’t stand to agree with him sometimes.

I won’t go into how lame this particular discussion was, but it got to a point in the conversation where I just couldn’t keep up with him. I just didn’t know what was going on well enough to be able to argue or refute his point.

I admit that the well of interest in news and politics has almost all but run dry for me over the last few months. I think it started with the lack of results from the midterm elections to stop the Bush administration (and only demonstrated how spineless the Democrats were). Eventually, even Real Time with Bill Maher, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report were getting on my nerves. I couldn’t make it through an entire episode of Bill Moyers Journal without letting my mind wonder. But, the nail in the coffin was when the local Air America affiliate (and my favorite The Stacy Taylor Show) switched formats to sports talk in October. I guess once that happened, I felt defeated.

I admit, I became complacent with the notion that Bush was going to be out of office in so many days. I’m not proud of it.

I really tried to get back into it for the Primaries, and I did up to a certain point (after voting in California and once I personally felt Obama had secured the Democratic nomination). Even if Obama didn’t get the nomination, I still would have voted for Clinton anyway. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Since Clinton dropped out, I told myself I wasn’t going to pay attention to the political punditry. I already know where I stand on the issues as well as both candidates. This election is going to get dirty. Or even dirtier, I can already tell.

(And don’t get me started on the media and how they play a role in all of this!)

I used to get so angry/stressed/disappointed sometimes after following what was going on in this country (and the world) and at how “everyone” just seemed to let these things happen.

I still have the hope that things will change (for the better). I really do. Perhaps I do suffer from that “messianic delusion for Obama” Ruben was bitching about (but, for the record I doubt I do).

Eventually I will get back into it. On and off, I still do. I still pop my head up for air, but when I hear crap like Michelle Obama’s “terrorist” fist jab, or Carol Hensley McCain’s plagiarized cookie recipe, I just dunk my head back underwater.

As selfish as it is, I am at a point in my personal life where I really want to keep a positive attitude (and the hope) a little longer.

Ignorance is bliss.

(Happy Fourth, btw.)

I told Shi that one of my summer goals is to learn (as much as I can) a language. She liked the idea, too, and we both compromised on French so that we could help each other out as we learn together.

There are “issues” I have to deal with regarding my hosting server for my website that I will eventually resolve (consequences I didn’t consider before pointing my domain name to my Tumblr site). But, in starting to sort through certain files, I’ve been going through some of the archives of my site and I think eventually, now that I’m getting back into the groove of posting and updating “something” on the web more regularly, I’ll try to start getting back into writing longer entries.

No promises, though—there are just too many things I want to do this summer.

In an attempt to “fill my weekend,” I went out to La Jolla this morning to meet with a local Photography club and join in on one of their workshops.

The directions on their website said, “Meet at La Jolla Tide pools located just north of the La Jolla Lifeguard station on Coast Blvd.” Seemed easy enough.

By the time I was trying to figure out exactly how to get there (I had an idea in my mind but it had been years since I had been in that area), I soon realized that there was more than one “tidepools (and lifetowers) in La Jolla” and it was too late to email the coordinator for specifics.

So I went down there and the lighting was nice. I couldn’t believe how warm it was at the beach already by 7AM! I walked down to where I thought they would be, but when 7AM came, I couldn’t find a single person with a camera!

Instead, I came across the La Jolla Cove Swim Club and was approached by three friendly and funny gentlemen who wanted me to take their picture and send it to them (which I will).

I eventually walked up to a guy who looked like he might have been a photographer (he had that safari-type vest on and a wheeled luggage with him), but he wasn’t. He was kind enough to walk and talk with me down to the other end of the cove to where the other tide pools were. He was really nice, too, and in this small world, was from the same (small) town and area that I was from.

I never did end up finding any of them. I was a little bummed. But, it’s not all that often that 1) I’m by the beach and 2) I’m out in the sun that early in the morning, so I hung around for an hour, took some pictures, and just enjoyed it.