[excerpt from “Politics and Perversion”]

On a perverted note, the other night I got a “really weird” phone call. Working the overnight shift, from what the others have warned me, I’m more susceptible to getting perverts on my line.

And so, it turns out that on this particular phone call, the guy started out by telling me that I “had a really beautiful voice” in a very soft tone. I thanked him and went about answering questions he had on his policy—what his balance was, when his next payment was due, if the car accident he had was going to affect his rate and so on. So at the end, it was pretty obvious what he was doing. His breathing was faster and he told me again that ”Gosh, I had a beautiful voice.” I tried to get him off the phone, cos I realized what was going on, we said our goodbyes, but unfortunately, he didn’t hang up the phone all the way, so I heard him gasp in gross pleasure.

I sat there shocked, even after the next call came in.

First of all, please do not include me, or any other unsuspecting or innocent individual in your sexual pleasures. Second, do not call a non-900 phone number to get your kicks. Third, do not get turned on while you’re talking about car insurance. God, if it were me, and pardon my frankness, I’d be limp talking about such a boring and blah subject.

I make fun of it now, but part of the whole thing, aside from being fucked up, really pissed me off to think that someone had the lack of control over his urges and had the audacity to “take it out on me.” Somehow it sort of felt violating.

The ironic and terribly funny thing about it is that the “Quality Control team” recorded this phone call. They sent an email to my supervisor to listen to it and decide whether or not it was an “A-Quality” call.

My boss later told me that he listened to “that really weird call“ of mine and he gave me an “A-Quality” rating.

I told him, “I would hope so, cos obviously, it seems I had serviced him well.”