[excerpt from “Dreaming of my Dad”]

I’ve been feeling so tense lately.

I haven’t been able to sleep much, at all. I would sleep for 4 hours, shoot up out of my bed, only to not be able to fall asleep until the last 15 minutes before I have to get ready to go to work.

Trying to take naps is annoying.

I lay there for what seems to be forever. 15 minutes in, I catch myself almost squinting my eyes shut because I’m so tense. I release and try to relax, but it doesn’t work, because another half an hour later I’m doing the same thing. I wake up after finally falling at least into the first stage of sleep for the short amount of time I did, only to feel resentful and annoyed that I can’t for the life of me learn to relax.

I go into work grumpy and half asleep. I feel myself twitching by the time hour 6 comes around. The last two hours are long. I wonder if I’ll be able to drive home without getting into a car crash.